This past Sunday I was asked to share my previous testimony on how God instructed me (through the Holy Spirit) to relinquish a job opportunity so that I could fully focus on raising our 3 girls. I shared my testimony with my bible study group which is made up of new and seasoned husbands and wives, most of whom are parents. I couldn’t believe how many women approached me after class to say how much they related to my experience. The decision to buck against a societal construct that invalidates mothers who choose to stay home with their children (in lieu of returning to the work force) has led many intelligent and competent women to second guess their self-worth. For 5 years I too struggled until God revealed to me my purpose in this current season.
Here are 3 updates since my revelation:
- After realizing that being at SAHM was what God wanted me to do, I decided I wanted to be perfect at it. I attempted to manage all things domestic on my own, and in perfect time.
I’m sure you can guess that I burnt out pretty quickly. I needed my husband’s help too. We’re a team! God didn’t call me to be perfect nor does he require me to be a one-woman show. Those were false expectations that I put upon myself.
- My husband, Phil, is the most loving and supportive husband any wife could ask for. In fact, he’s so awesome, that I actually wrote a song about him.
It’s true! I did write a song about him. From the moment I met him I knew he was heaven-sent. It might seem from my testimony that we were at odds with regard to my decision to work. The reality is that I wavered and he was decisive. But I think that the experience lead me to something more profound.
I realized that for a long time I’d elevated my husband to god status (with a little g), by primarily deferring to him for wisdom, instruction and comfort (as needed). I now realize just how important it is for me to have an even more intimate relationship with the trinity outside of my husband. Even prior to my marriage, I looked to other people and circumstances for validation because I didn’t know the process by which God validates. Now I know it comes through the Holy Spirit.
- Our girls are Happy!
They aren’t perfect. They are naughty and ornery at times. Even to the point of being downright mean. But then there are times when they are sensitive and empathetic to one another …and even to me. They are little comedians who love to sing about Jesus’ sacrificial love and are inquisitive about everything. And sometimes, in the briefest of moments, I’m able to see a flicker of God’s light shining through them… and it brings me unspeakable joy.
The time I spend with them affords me a real opportunity to develop and encourage them physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I’m bone-tired at the end of the day…and if you ask Phil he’ll probably say I’m even grumpy… but I’m happy.
I’m happy because I finally know what it feels like to know that I’m walking in the Lord’s will.
There’s not a ton of upward mobility in my profession. I get paid in hugs, kisses and tantrums. I’ve got a few years of experience and yet I’m still stuck doing menial labor (like changing poopy diapers). But I’m happy to do it for my family… because I’m ultimately doing it for Him.
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