This afternoon I had a bit of a lapse in my own Momma Mina confidence. My brown eyes turned a sea green when I met a beautiful young lady, mother of 2 little girls and professional singer…with a recording contract.
I’m so embarrassed to admit this, I guess you could see this as my confession booth. I abhor the feeling of Jealousy! I think it makes people do things that are not only out of character but also inhibit their own personal growth. I’ve never been one to act on jealous feelings; I think that makes the feelings even worse. Instead, I try to pray it away, expecting that God will once again reveal to me my own virtues (that I so frequently forget) and remind me as to whom these virtues really belong to…Him!
Once me and this lovely woman departed, I started to think about the 2 year long journey that I embarked on to become a singer before Mommyhood. It was a frustrating trip, complete with shifty band mates, low pay and masked stage fright. And while Mommyhood was a welcomed crossroad, I still can’t help but look back and wonder… what could have been.
It’s been nearly 2 years since I’ve left the performance stage, and I still get questions about returning to the scene. I usually just respond by saying “I’m just taking a break,” when really, I’m not sure what God has in store for me. And after such an uphill battle, I’m in no rush to push my own agenda the next time around. So why was I feeling green-eyed again? I think I just forgot who I was. I forgot about the strengths and weaknesses that I was born with, developed, maintained, tweaked and even changed over time that make me…well ME! And that’s something to sing about.
You know, I’ve learned so much in such a short time from being a Momma, like how to keep an open hand so that you’re poised and ready to give and receive. These days my heart is a lot more open to “a free form lifestyle.” You know the type, when you look back and then suddenly the pieces make sense, but really they had less to do with your work and more to do with God’s handiwork. I suppose only time will tell; but for now, this season of regular nap times, zoo trips, tickling escapades and ABC’s feels like I’m where I’m supposed to be.
Phew….I’m feeling much better now. My eyes are brown again and Momma Mina is back!
Thanks so much for listening.
Have you had a green eyed moment lately? If so, how did you deal?