It was love at first sight but also the look I gave her promised that I would always be there to protect her. Well protect her as best I can and whenever possible. I’m slowly learning that some promises can prove themselves unrealistic or just too idealic.
I can count the number of hours that Zoe has been away from me. And I can divide those hours down to the minute respectively between her Papa, Grandma and Great Aunts. We’re inseperable…almost too inseperable and now it’s proving to be troublesome.
I was offered a position as a yoga instructor at a fitness center. The Amina in me jumped at the opportunity. The conversation went something like this:
Fitness Director: Wah wah wahha wahhha wahhh wah
Me: “Yes I’m available to teach yoga classes
Fitness Director: Waah wahha wahhaa whah awahhha
Me: “Oh Evening classes are Perfect!”
Fitness Director: Wwa aa waaaah waaaahhh waha
Me: Hmmm….afternoon classes might be a challenge because I have an infant
Fitness Director: Waaah wahha wahh
Me: Hell No I’m not leaving my baby with a stranger…(or should I).
Okay so maybe I didn’t blurt out the last line. But that’s what I was thinking. My protective self just couldn’t leave Zoe with a stranger. What if they let her crawl on a dirty floor? Suppose they let her fall off the couch or some other elevated surface? What if they ignore her cries for affection? What if they cough in her face and get her sick? I know that you’re suppose to interview sitters and such, but the OCD momma in me won’t let me even take the first step.
So what am I getting at? I guess I’m wondering if I’ll ever get to the point where I’m okay with letting Zo-zo spend time with others for the sake of rediscovering the Amina in this Momma Mina/Baby Zoe relationship. I’m sure it’s healthy for us to both get some space, I definitely don’t want to be a hovering Momma Bear, but I think it might take a concerted effort on both of our parts to pry ourselves away from each other. This past Saturday I had a lovely time hanging out with my sister, while Phil hung out with the Zo-ster. When I returned home, he said she wouldn’t let him put her down. And then I thought about whether or not I even choose to sit her down on her own. Have I created a baby monster?